En torno al lenguaje (1984)
Failure.
Everything I've taken for victory is only smoke.
Failure, background language, track from a more demanding space, it's difficult to read between your lines.
When you branded my forehead, I never thought about the message you delivered, more precious than any triumph.
Your flaming face has pursued me and I did not know it was to save me.
You have kept me on the sidelines for my own good, you denied me easy accomplishments, you've closed doors to me.
It was I you wanted to defend by not letting me shine.
Out of sheer love for me you've dealt with the emptiness that so many nights has made me speak feverishly to a woman who was never there.
To protect me you've let others pass me by, you've made women choose someone more determined, you kept me away from suicidal tasks.
You have always come to the rescue.
Yes, your ulcerated body, spat on, hated, has received me in my purest form to deliver me to the clarity of the desert.
Out of madness I've cursed you, abused you, and said blasphemous things about you.
You don't exist.
You've been invented out of delirious pride.
How much I owe you!
You promoted me to a higher rank wiping me clean with a rough sponge, hurling me onto my true battlefield, giving me the weapons that triumph leaves behind.
You've led me by the hand to the only water that reflects me.
Because of you I do not know the anxiety of acting out a role, of maintaining a position by force, of climbing up by my own effort, of fighting for a higher rank, of expanding myself to the point of exploding.
You've made me humble, quiet, rebellious.
I don't praise you for what you are, but for what you've kept me from becoming. For not giving me another life. For having limited me.
You've given only nakedness.
It's true you've taught harshly, and you yourself cauterized me. But you also gave me the joy of not fearing you.
Thank you for trading my density in exchange for my thick handwriting.
Thank you for keeping me from getting a swelled head.
Thank you for the riches you have forced on me.
Thank you for building my house with clay.
Thank you for setting me apart.
Thank you.
español
[t] al inglés por Elena Sáinz
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© Rafael Cadenas